Love languages explained - what are the love languages?

Gary Chapman introduced love languages in his 1992 book, revealing how people express and receive affection. These languages aren't a relationship blueprint, but a tool to understand emotional communication.

Chapman gave us the love languages we know today based on the counselling sessions he hosted for couples. One of the takeaways from these sessions is that couples often miss love signals, creating a disconnect.

 

Picking up on those cues can improve relationships and literally save marriages. So, what are they? There are five love languages:

1. Receiving gifts

Romantic flowers, chocolate from the shops, woolly socks for cold winter nights, collectables your partner is interested in, and other gifts can show love, affection, and thoughtfulness.

The point behind this love language isn't the price of the gift – it’s the fact that your partner was in your thoughts outside of being with them. Your partner will appreciate your gift. If it’s meaningful enough, they will remember it, giving your relationship a ripple effect.

Partners, whose love language is gifts, will most probably plan ahead and surprise you with a gift on every important occasion. That’s why it’s important to reciprocate and remember special dates, like Valentine’s Day, birthday or anniversary, by sending flowers or gifts.

 

2. Words of affirmation

The things you say express your love and affection. You could pay compliments, say "I love you" frequently, or spend lots of time talking to your partner.

Your words don’t necessarily need to be all lovey. You can demonstrate love by asking for advice, discussing family matters, and sending a WhatsApp to ask them how their day is going or what they’re up to. Showing an interest in your partner’s life and saying “I love you” whenever possible will keep your relationship current and open.

Words of affirmation go perfectly with the love language of receiving gifts - every time you send your significant other a bouquet of flowers, you can add a heartfelt message.

Get inspired by touching and heartfelt examples of love messages.

 

3. Quality time

Wanting to spend time together and missing each other is perhaps the sweetest love language. You’ll plan trips or absolutely nothing for the weekend just so you can be with your partner and get those hours in.

Most of us are guilty of not spending enough quality time with our partners because of work and sometimes because of the smartphones we glue ourselves to (you’re guilty of this if you’re in the same room but on your phone).

Take opportunities to spend time together, whether somewhere fancy or in front of the TV. It’s about quality time, not the amount of time.

 

4. Physical touch

It could be a brush of the arm while sitting down, a gentle hip hold while squeezing past the dinner table, or something classic like holding hands while out and about. These are tell-tale signs that you or your partner shows love with physical touch. You could make your partner feel loved by simply caressing them at the right moment, offering them a massage, back scratch, or anything else they like.

 

5. Acts of service

Doing nice things – or simply the tasks your partner expects of you – shows that you love them. Some practical examples are unloading the dishwasher, clearing the table, vacuuming up, doing the shopping, and filling up the car.

Going further with acts for your partner’s family members, like offering lifts and helping them prepare for job interviews, also shows love.

If your partner is stressed out and seems to be doing too much, taking the load off them will make them feel loved.

Most people say nice things, touch each other, and spend time together. Those are just things people do. Your love language is slightly different – it’s your preference for affection, so receiving it makes you feel ultra-happy.

Having multiple love languages is normal, but you’ll have tiers. For example, you’ll prefer your partner touching you rather than showering you with gifts but will still enjoy receiving a rose bouquet. It’s a balance of love languages that most people have.

Learning each other's love language helps you:

- Communicate love more effectively

- Show appreciation in significant ways

- Deepen emotional intimacy

- Reduce misunderstandings

- Create a more fulfilling partnership

Past missed connections are less meaningful than present intentions. Focus on learning how to show love effectively now.